To be clear, I'm not judging you and do not endorse how this person handled their concerns. They didn't approach you as a friend. However, I remember seeing something written by your husband years ago that caused me to have concerns and wondered if you shared his views. It was a short, and common fascist dog whistle. And as someone who is adamantly antifascist and actively fights fascism - After reading through your husband's twitter in more detail today, his antisemitic and fascist views are clear. As often with people with views like that I think he skates the line, so as to have plausible deniability if called out. It's a common tactic. Fascists infiltrate a lot of communities in that way.
So, since you share/shared a life with him it's valid to have concerns over whether you are a safe person. I would have approached that convo more out of concern for a friend rather than an attack.
That being said, your husband has views that I vehemently oppose.
Thanks for commenting. I hear you. He has views that I vehemently oppose too (and views I agree with). I probably have views that you would oppose, if you knew about them. (Not thinking of some particular view I'm hiding, just figuring that's probably true.)
Right now I feel sad, for some reason. Maybe because, even as I attempt to connect through writing, I feel how easy it is to reduce someone to "views," when you have no or limited contact with them in person. I am not saying you are doing that. Just noticing the vast imbalance, in the unvillaged world, between in-person time and time on screens.
I do see how the Lit Lit curator could have experienced me as "unsafe." I realized, while talking with a friend about this piece, that perhaps—first and foremost and not without reason—she was looking out for herself. Whether or not anyone else in attendance knew my backstory, she did, and couldn't forget it.
Anyway—thanks again. I appreciate your feedback. I prefer sharing feedback loops with my fellow humans to pretending I can predict what they'll say, and using those predictions to silence myself.
I feel like I do need to make a clarification. I don't want to reduce someone to "views" and because I have never interacted with your husband irl I would give it a shot, approaching with caution and with specific questions. Because there are different categories of views. You can have the view that the movies I like are crap, or disagree about toppings on pizza. Those views are not going to make me consider choosing violence as the proper response. However if your views are antisemitic, fascist, or transphobic - (to name a few views I picked up on via his Twitter) - you have no place in my community or near my family. In fact I would consider you a threat to my community or family. There's a saying that if you have 9 people at a table and a Nazi sits down, You have 10 Nazis at the table. I feel like that may have been where your Lit Lit Curator was coming from and why they felt unsafe.
Got it. This comment, and discussion, has prompted me to consider my own perception of what makes a person, place, or situation safe or unsafe. And when and how I do and don't seek safety.
To be clear, I'm not judging you and do not endorse how this person handled their concerns. They didn't approach you as a friend. However, I remember seeing something written by your husband years ago that caused me to have concerns and wondered if you shared his views. It was a short, and common fascist dog whistle. And as someone who is adamantly antifascist and actively fights fascism - After reading through your husband's twitter in more detail today, his antisemitic and fascist views are clear. As often with people with views like that I think he skates the line, so as to have plausible deniability if called out. It's a common tactic. Fascists infiltrate a lot of communities in that way.
So, since you share/shared a life with him it's valid to have concerns over whether you are a safe person. I would have approached that convo more out of concern for a friend rather than an attack.
That being said, your husband has views that I vehemently oppose.
Thanks for commenting. I hear you. He has views that I vehemently oppose too (and views I agree with). I probably have views that you would oppose, if you knew about them. (Not thinking of some particular view I'm hiding, just figuring that's probably true.)
Right now I feel sad, for some reason. Maybe because, even as I attempt to connect through writing, I feel how easy it is to reduce someone to "views," when you have no or limited contact with them in person. I am not saying you are doing that. Just noticing the vast imbalance, in the unvillaged world, between in-person time and time on screens.
I do see how the Lit Lit curator could have experienced me as "unsafe." I realized, while talking with a friend about this piece, that perhaps—first and foremost and not without reason—she was looking out for herself. Whether or not anyone else in attendance knew my backstory, she did, and couldn't forget it.
Anyway—thanks again. I appreciate your feedback. I prefer sharing feedback loops with my fellow humans to pretending I can predict what they'll say, and using those predictions to silence myself.
I feel like I do need to make a clarification. I don't want to reduce someone to "views" and because I have never interacted with your husband irl I would give it a shot, approaching with caution and with specific questions. Because there are different categories of views. You can have the view that the movies I like are crap, or disagree about toppings on pizza. Those views are not going to make me consider choosing violence as the proper response. However if your views are antisemitic, fascist, or transphobic - (to name a few views I picked up on via his Twitter) - you have no place in my community or near my family. In fact I would consider you a threat to my community or family. There's a saying that if you have 9 people at a table and a Nazi sits down, You have 10 Nazis at the table. I feel like that may have been where your Lit Lit Curator was coming from and why they felt unsafe.
Got it. This comment, and discussion, has prompted me to consider my own perception of what makes a person, place, or situation safe or unsafe. And when and how I do and don't seek safety.